S03E05

And then last week when I was in Nepal I had strange realizations.

Well I had believed in the three minute rule till now.

The three minute bath rule:

This rule claims that if a guy takes more than three minutes to take a bath, then his manliness has a big question mark.

Now I too believed in the same rule until last week when I went inside the bathtub.

And then while in the tub:

What I thought it felt like:

And when I did not come back for a long time, how my friends thought it looked like:

And then how it really was:

And then when I did not come back at the hotel whole night:

What I thought I was doing:

What my jealous friends thought I was doing:

And what I did all night:

S03E04

Today we shall tell you about a rare specie, one that is found only in Haryana, commonly known as "Jaats". Jaats have been nominated as one of the most dangerous living mammals in the world after dinosaurs.

Jaats are said to have monopoly in the entire NCR region. They can get away with anything they do. While a close competitor of Jaats, the Gujjars in Rajasthan have shown similar trends, but Jaats have overshadowed them in all fields. While Gujjars have claimed to derail trains by removing fish plates, reports say that Jaats have been able to derail trains without removing fish plates. We are still clueless about their MO (Modus Operandi). The government of Delhi, Haryana and UP have collectively decided to rename NCR by NJR ( National Jaat Region)

Jaats in NCR can do anything and get away with it. They can pee infront of your shops, they can come after you in a barber's shop and get their haircut before you. While in ROI (Rest of India) there have been cases of hit and run, the trend seems to reverse in Haryana, where cases of RUN AND HIT have been registered.

In order to keep the other mammals intact in NJR, the government has set up some ground rules for harmonious living. The basic assumption of the government is that you ought to give the respect to this set of people having abnormally huge bodies and inexplicably small brains(which is quite similar to dinosaurs), that they deserve. Some of these are as follows:

1. In case your car is hit from behind by a Jaat's car, you run.

2. In public places, Jaats can do anything and you cannot oppose them. If you do, you are liable to be beaten up.

3. In case you see a Jaat dancing madly in a night club, please stay out of the safe radius. The safe radius that the government has declared is 22.5 m and anyone inside this radius is prone to damage. In case of any damage done to you, you need to apologize for it.

4. In case you have to register a case against a Jaat and the police officer that is registering the complaint is also a Jaat, you better not say anything. In the best scenario, you run.

5. Jaats can travel in buses and for this the bus conductor needs to pay him.

6. Sophisticated systems in Metro are not meant for Jaats. They can jump the AFC gates( those gates where you show your ticket) and they can pull the chain as per their convenience to get down if their destination happens to be in between 2 stops.

7. If auto drivers happen to be Jaats, you cannot bargain. He can drop you anywhere and you cannot argue. If you do, you are liable to get beaten up.

8. In all other cases, you are liable to get beaten up. So you better run for your life.

However some of the species have opposed to these kind of stringent rules. " Sadda Haqq...Aiththe Rakh" said one of the representatives of a community. He was later found in AIIMS and was diagnosed with 206 fractures.

With these set of rules, the government hopes to preserve the rest of the endangered and even some extinct mammals in NCR.

Season Filler

This is not a regular post. This is a filler and this is not just another humorous post of ours. This is something that has made me thinking over the last couple of days. So here it goes.

Scenario 1: I travel daily to my office at 9:30 AM. I cross the same traffic light daily. I see the same small girl selling balloons at the signal. I notice her daily, waiting for the signal to be red, as she runs from one car to another trying to market her product. The same thing is done by many smart people in our company, for which they get paid tons. But what I failed to notice was the hope in her eyes every time I lowered my glass and the hopelessness in her eyes every time I lift my glass carelessly looking ahead as she keeps on trying till the last bit. And then the signal goes green as she tries to save herself from being run over by the zillions of speeding cars. How could I not notice these things?

Scenario 2: I am a business analyst, I calculate a lot of equity and derivatives. People say I am good at it. I travel by train very frequently. Almost every time I see an old man selling red and black candies in the train. I see such an old man every time. He comes and goes while I ruthlessly ignore him. What I couldn't calculate was this "If this man sells around 50 packets of candies a day (I am being optimistic) at Rs 2 each, making a profit of 50 paise on each. his everyday earning is Rs 10, an amount that I say is of no value today." How could I not calculate such a simple thing?

Scenario 3: Again I am travelling by train, cribbing that my company doesn't pay me as much as I work. I see an old lady selling cucumbers. She must be of my grandma's age or maybe more. I complain that I work so hard but I don't get paid enough. She passes by me and I continue with my cribbing. I don't know where she lives and I don't even care. How the hell does it matter to me! But again what I failed to notice was this. She works maybe 1000 times harder than me and earns maybe 1000 times less than me. At such an old age she carries a heavy basket and goes from compartment to compartment trying to sell those cucumbers. But I didn't notice. And even if I did, I didn't care.

I don't know how to end this post. Every story does not have a happy ending, and I am sure the above mentioned three stories also will not have a happy ending. And even if they will, I don't care.

S03E03

Today we got an email from a guy called "frustoo banda". Shocked to see, we have copied it in our blog.Please read it

" And then I boarded the train at 2 AM and I scanned the entire reservation chart to find a F 23 in the list but instead I found one F 53 and the rest all Ms. And then I found my berth right infront of the toilet. And when I found my berth, I found a fat guy snoring and sleeping on my berth. So I had to wake him and ask him to "F**K off". And then when I had just slept, the TTE came. And then when I tried to find my ticket, I couldn't find it. And then when I finally found the ticket, showed him and slept, some asshole turned the light on. And then in the morning I sent a girl, whom I have been liking for the past 2 years a message. And then when the phone beeped and I found a new message, I anxiously opened it just to find out that it was from TM-5234 saying that I could enlargen my height by 2-3 inches.(no pun intended) How the F**K they came to know that I am short. And then there were some sixers in the bogie asking for money and touching me. And then I went from S-1 to S-12 to scan for hot girls but it seems all hot girls travel in AC. And then, when I as about to reach Delhi, the train stopped to give pass to Rajdhani, as if we are second class citizens. And then the train moved at such a great pace, that a buffalo overtook it and showed me its middle finger.WTF Indian Railways"

And then I boarded the Delhi Metro, and entered the first compartment, where I found all hot girls unlike my train journey. And then I was fined because I entered the ladies coach. Why can't they just call it MaalGaadi? And then I went to the second coach and sat down there. And then a hot girl came smiling which made me feel happy. And then she asked me to get up because that was again sitting on the ladies seat. And then the lady in the metro announced "Please mind the gap". And then I shifted a little bit away from the girl sitting next to me but later found that she was talking of some other gap. WTF Delhi Metro. Screw you Public Transport"

And the next news is that people in Haryana have listed "Maar Kaat Kar denge, Maa behen ek kar denge" as their hobbies. So Mountain Dew in its promotion in Haryana have changed their slogan to "Darr ke aage JAAT hai"

That's all from us. Happy Independence Day.

S03E02

"Ek to tu ch***a lagta hai, formals mein tu aur ch***a lagta hai" Pyaar ka Punchnama

Today we shall talk about how being in a corporate life is in other words, how it feels to be a corporate whore.

1. HRs generally specialize in PR and by PR, we do not mean Public Relationhips, we mean Physical Relationships.

2. Corporate Whores generally use a QWERTY cellphones. We would rather call it SQUERTY cellphones.Also, these CWs as they are commonly called make the best use of VIBRATION mode in a cellphone.

3.The probability of partnerships with a second company is a function of the amount of cleavage, a female SPOC(as it is used in the corporate dictionary) can show to the first company. This is also applicable to female candidates who come for interviews in a compnay.

PS:In 2nd case the HR may or may not be a male.

That's all from us this week. Stay TUNNED.

S03E01

Well we are back once again, and as we declared in the last post, it did not turn out to be the last one. It was just a hoax.

In this facebook maniac world, we wondered what it would be like if facebook was alive during the days of Mahabharta, what would be the scenario then. So today we shall tell you some memorable status of famous personalities.

1.Duryodhan: Chilling out with bros at Hastinapur.

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Yudhidhthir:Dude, let's meet up for a game of poker. I can bet Draupadi :D ;)

2.Dushshasan just before the "Chirharan Kaand" : Is going to plunder Draupadi #helluvafun

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Bheem:Kutte, kamine..Main tera khoon pee jaaunga

Dushshasan:Lolmax

Srikrishna:Beta Lolmax to tera ab hoga :P

3.Drithrashtra: Yippie,Just set the record of giving birth to 100 sons :P :D

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4.Gandhari: Just gave birth to 100th son :( Wish I-Pill had been discovered earlier.

Gandhari likes I-pill, Masti and 3 other pages

5. Sri Krishna was tagged in Arjun's Album : Fun at Kurukshetra

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Yudhisthir: Kewl.Suupa Pitcha Man

Arjun: Thanks bro :)

6.Sri Krishna updated his work info

Driver of Gareeb Rath Express for Arjun and 2 others

S02E07

Well the day has come.Finally we are here on our season finale and our blog finale. So if we have to end it, we shall end it in style. Today, we shall disclose to you the original identities of the 6 original gossip gals.

PS No more heightwise description this time.

1.Shek

Identity: Abhishek Singh

Current Job Status: Employed with no joining date

Employer:Price Waterhouse Coopers

Designation:Project Architect??? Oops that was the post he got in Pinnacle Infotech

Wannabe Location: Kolkata

The guy is a real diplomat. He managed to score 2 jobs in just one day and that too in 2 completely different fields. The first one as a project architect in Pinnacle Infotech and the other a consultant in PWC. The 2 situations were:

1. Interviewer 1: Why do you want to stay in Architecture?

2. Interviewer 2: Why do you want to leave architecture and join as a consultant?

And believe it or not, he convinced both the panels to equal degree of satisfaction

2. Nanda

Identity: Dhawal Nanda

Current Job status: Employed with no Visa

Employer: Rio Tinto

Designation:Minor or Miner?( The company is still deciding)

Wannabe Location: Perth, Australia

The guy had been sitting in interviews since Day 0 and finally got a job on Day 7 that was originally a Day 2 job. Confused?? Well, Rio Tinto(Day 2 compnay) guys after returning to Australia decided that they had made a huge mistake rejecting such a "juice launda" who could be an asset to the company. Of course not because of his credentials but because of his perfect figure.

3. Vj

Identity: Saurabh Vijay

Current Job Status: Employed by chance :P

Employer: James D. Armstrong (JDA)

Designation: Wannabe Supply chain Manager

Wannabe Location: Bangalore

The guy's sincereity can be known from the fact that after getting a job, he took a course on Supply chain Management and attended each and every class of it and managed to score a C. However he could not impress his folk people in Rajasthan because they believe that it is just another job in Jaipur Development Authority(JDA). Also the company after his joining has changed its profile to Chain Supply Management ( as in supplying chains for fastening luggage on railway platforms)

4. Neetu

Identity: Nitesh Kumar Mishra

Current Job Status: Emplyed thrice

Employer: Deloitte, Oracle and Flextrade
Designation: Coder or Crowder ( The company isn't sure what his designation should be)

Wannabe Location: Mumbai

Stakes were high that he could barely manage a single job from the campus but he shut his critics' mouth by securing 2 jobs from the campus and one off-campus. His interview was as follows:

Interviewer: Aap Computer pe kya kya bana sakte hain?

Neetu: Sir, Main to bas Ch***ya bana sakta hun.

And he was selected!!

5. Natha

Identity: Piyush Kumar Pandey

Current Job Status:Already Joined

Employer:Verve Consulting

Designation: Analyst+Consultant+Project Architect+Town Planner

Wannabe Location: Bhubaneshwar

The company was so sure about his capabilities that they gave him several designations and also handed him a lot of work even before joining. Now this can be for 2 reasons:

1. Either they are too capable of his capabilities

2. Or they know that he won't work so, in a way they can save a month's salary by making him work even before joining.

6. Finally Baba

Identity:Arif Nezami

Current Job Status: Employed with an expired joining date..which is so unlike him since he does not have an expiry date

Employer: Bharti Realty

Designation: Management Trainee

Wannabe Location: Gurgaon

With one leg in the coffin(ek taang kabr mein) and the second one missing, the company have decided to provide no health insurance to the guy since they believe that the company would go into a huge debt covering his medical expenses. Also because of his age, he has been asked to make as many life insurances from Bharti Aksha Life insurance policies as possible bacause that would bring a huge amount of revenue for another 1000 years(and counting) to the company.

That is all from Gossip Gals. We do hope you enjoyed our episodes. If by any chance you felt offended by our blog then we have only one thing to say, "Sorry but the Inconvenience caused is not at all regretted."