S01E14

Coming to the penultimate episode of the season, today we shall be reporting about the most eligible bachelor among the ex-gossip gals Choubey Da. Choubey Da (or commonly known as C-da) had been rated as the smartest guy in town and our reporters even claim that he had been crowned as Mr. Midnapore (which included both East and West Midnapore)in a male beauty contest,though we are unaware that such a competition even exists.

Very few people knew that C-da had an unlimited collection of clothes and deodorants, each one for a separate occasion, the best ones saved for SN Hall Day. A true hardcore fan of the 90s, he could listen to songs of Saajan and Sadak on a repeat mode. His favourite song and his life’s motto had been the same -“Bas EK sanam Chahiye…Aashiqui ke liye” (The stress here is on EK) and he continued following the same principle of wanting “BAS EK HI SANAM” in his entire college life.

Our reporters have also reported that C-Da had been offered a role in a Bhojpuri film, a film that both Ravi Kishan and Manoj Tiwary wanted bad but the director preferred C-da since he had better looks and better dressing and dancing style than both the actors. But later the director of the movie, Rockey.iitkgp had to choose Ravi Kishan since C-da had date clashes.

We have also been told secretly that C-da had exactly zero number of Indians added in his skype friends list. This is because he beleived that friendship has no boundaries. Also whenever he left Kgp, he used to do it SRK style in DDLJ(with his one hand stretched and body leaning slightly out of the train compartment), but unfortunately his Kajol could never reach the station in time(as he claims)

C-da had exhausted all the videos on LAN starting from the decent ones and then the indecent ones and finally those which had both decent and indecent scenes. A chivalrous guy, he was the kind of guy who could offer his own seat in a restaurant or a theatre to any random girl. Also a superb dancer, the turning point in his career came when he had the opportunity to dance with Shaan (yes, the music singer) and his troupes (That was a time when he said FU to TDS, the local dance troupe). He has made a record of maximum visits to Kgp after passing out in the shortest duration of time, because of his Kgp sento and Kgp Connections.

His close friends said that his SQ(Sentimental Quotient and not Sex Quotient or Summer Quarter) showed a dramatic increase with the intake of alcohol. Also C-da had the knowledge of almost all of the secret meeting places in the campus including Chem Top, Meta Top and the likes.

To all girls reading this, please give him a call, and he will always be ready to go out on dinner with you, the place and time hardly matters.

S01E13

Back to the ex-gossip gals, today our cheap editors shall tell you about the (un)popular Ambuj Kashyap.People say that the term Self Assumed Stud (SAS) had its origin traced back to him. But there are a lot of untold stories that we shall be leaking in our blog.So lets kick off.

Ambuj Kashyap was the most popular guy among girls and the most unpopular among guys.Our R An D team tried to investigate about the reason for the mixed opinions and came up with 3 theories that it has found relavant in the current society:

1.A chic is always jealous of another hot chic.

2.A guy is always jealous of another successful guy.

3.Success is like FART, its tolerable only when its one's own.

Any one or a combination of more than one theories can be the reason for his (un)popularity

We have been reported that after his passing out, there was a statue of his installed in SN Hall. While the first and the second years used to bow before the statue in respect, the senior girls had the permission of renting the statue on an hourly basis(if you know what we mean). It was also reported that the costumes for Interhall choreography came from this money.The hidden cam videos will be posted soon on the blog(of the choreography, what else were you thinking of...perverts!!)

The guy is a basketball maniac, he was often seen topless on the basketball court since he believes that hot bodies are meant to be flaunted(and it applied to both the sexes). Though we had mixed opinions on the amount of physical strength he had.While one school of thought believed that he had once hung a baby elephant(living in the rival wing) upside down just by holding his legs, the other school of thought believed that he stood and saw his best friend Bhau(of his own wing) being beaten up by his own wingie(again of his own wing) while Bhau repeatedly called for his help.Also to add up to the embarrasment, he made a video out of the situation.Also he never turned up for a one-on-one match that was supposed to be conducted on the basketball court with his opponent from the rival wing on the auspicious occasion of Holi.

He believes that Chicago had been derived from the words Chic and ago but refuses to tell the stories when he was there. Although we have evidences(photographs of him with random chics) that suggest something fishy, he has strongly denied all sorts of rumours and sees it a plot by his opponents to (de)fame him.

His current annual salary is equivalent to 1% of the GDP of Nepal and Bhutan combined.With girls wanting him and guys wanting to be like him, we today stand to honour him.

S01E12

On Republic Day, a day of national importance, we shall be declaring the Global Golden Gobar (3G) awards, the awards of national unimportance. The award has been rated as the most non-prestigous award and has been given a B rating by the Censor Board and is not advised for minors.So lets start the show.

1.The first and the foremost award is The Bang de Basanti award for banging the maximum number of Basantis. And the award goes to:

Natha

We had no second nomination for this category and after seeing his album Boat Party on FB we had no second thoughts.

2.The CCDude award for paying maximum visits to CCD in a single semester goes to:

Nitu

There was a close competition between Nitu and Natha but the CCD officials have confirmed that Nitu has been seen just one time more than Natha.They have also confirmed that the two of them accounted for more than 90% of the revenues of CCD.

3.The Bada Kela (no pun intended) award goes to:

Shek

The guy has set a new record in eating the maximum number of bananas in a single day. Reporters have also told us that he ate Jhaal Mudi on train with sliced bananas in them. He claims to have memorized 1000 benefits of the fruit and also claims that he can do 1000 push- ups or carry weights upto 1000 kgs after eating a dozen of bananas.

4.The For-mal award for having the dirtiest room goes to:

Nanda

It is believed that seeing the room's condition the hall-cleaning workers refused to clean his room.And when the trash came out, much to the people's surprise it was more than the volume of the room.

5.The Shiney Ahuja Rapist of the Year Award for raping the maximum number of...wait for it...SONGS goes to:

Vj

Vj claims that even when he cried in childhood, it had beats in it. He has also performed on various remixes of Vande Mataram in his school on Independence and Republic Day. A turning point in his career came when he found the remix of Aarti-Tumre Bhavan Mein of Dilli 6.

6.The Mark Fuckerberg award for sending the maximum number of friend requests on FB goes to:

Vj again.Nice ****job Vj

Reports have confirmed that Vj has been regularly banned from FB for sending excessive friend requests on a single day. He sees this thing as a matter of pride.

7.And the last but the least.. The Lifetime achievement award for the year 2010 BC-2011 AD goes to:

Baba

Can there be a second choice for this award!

That's all from us today.We would like to congratulate all the winners and thank our sponsors Douche Bank and our Media Partner Radio ***chi 69 FM. Have a nice dry day.Stop smoking today.

S01E11

Latest Gossip from Backstage:

Vj has been rated as the fairest man in Rajasthan by Rajasthan Times.Also a magazine published in Rajasthan has compared Vj to tha famous character snow-white.Reports have also come in that after the success of the movie Kaloo he has decided to produce a movie named Goru in which he plans to play the lead role.

After seeing the success of Coke studio, Vj has decided to launch his own Boke Studio in Bengal.

In the same magazine that compared Vj to snow-white, Natha has been referred to as the seventh dwarf.Also because of his height he has been short-listed by topmost companies.

The only thing Nitu has earned after joining Kgp is "Beizzati". In a poll conducted which involved professors and students he has been unanimously voted to be the person with the least amount of respect in the campus. Also many girls polled that they would better tie a rakhi around his hand rather than going out for a cup of coffee with him.

In another poll, which involved fathers of hot girls, all the daddys have refused to give their daughters' hands in the hands of Nitu.

Nanda has decided to get married before he passes out.On hearing this news, many girls have been heartbroken and some have even suffered from heart attacks.

Baba has claimed to play basketball with Sardar Vallabh Bhai Patel and also supposedly defeated him.After defeating him he also claimed that he gave the tempo shout of RP and shouted Patel ki leli zig-zag zig-zag.

After hitting on all sorts of ILFs, Shek has decided to now take on cougars.Also after seeing the unhygienic conditions in the mess, he has decided to wash all the plates,spoons and glasses himself.

That's all from us this week.We do hope that all guys score random chics this SF.Next week we shall be announcing the Global Golden Gobar(3G) awards.Stay tuned.

S01E10

Continuing with the series of the ex-gossip gals today we shall go one step ahead and tell you about the famous Pari.Pari was considered to be the most famous personality in West Midnapore district and an opinion poll said that 83% of the people wanted him to be elected as their MP or their MLA.Such was his popularity.Reports have confirmed that kids in this region look upon Pari as their God, worship him and say hymns of the famous Pari chalisa. Owing to this popularity, today we shall unveil many untouched aspects of his life in our post.

Pari also called Pariya(by batchmates) and Pari Baabu(by his juniors) was considered to be the second best at poker after Bhau and had the record of losing the maximum amount of money in Poker. Often people used to come to his rooms for their “wasooli”. The famous case where Nehru was accused of causing nuisance in RP with hockey sticks following the GC announcements was actually a mob of people who had come to take their money from Pari but later the event was given a political dimension.

Pari was known for his typical accent, his vocal chords been tested by many scientists all over the world and his accent has been identified as neither US nor Indian but a mix of what they call as Bihari and Caucasian . People even do not know about the origin of the words that he used that were “Goaandaa” and “Aeeeee chhatuaaa”. Recently we heard that he has patented his voice after Lata Mangeshkar patented hers. Also these famous words,lines and phrases have now been included in the hymns of Pari chalisa.

Some of them that are now included in the Pari Chalisa are: (since these words,lines and phrases were seen as a way of Pari communicating with God)

From aage take left.

Goaandaa de diya.

Godwa

And of course"Aeeeee chhatua"

His close friends say that he had spent his entire college life with his laptop and one pair of clothes.Our reporters have also told us that Pari once booked ticket in Tatkal when there were more than 300 tickets available in the general quota. This was because he was a man who went by the books and he said that doing so was what the law prescribed.

Pari was a man of reasoning and he was sure that the British made a mistake while pronouncing the words "to" and "two" similarly while according to him they should have been pronounced differently. Pari even took tea party by its literal meaning and was seen making tea on a stove and serving it to the juniors during the entire party.Also Pari was considered to be the only person in the campus who had solved previous years’ mid-sem and end-sem papers with a timer on his table. Such was his dedication towards academics.

There is not just one reason that Pari has achieved God status in the district.The above said were only a few and we are sure that there would be many more. His followers say that they have in true sense seen God.We honour the God today.

S01E09:The Ex-Gossip Gals

So we have come to the end of the year and also towards the end of the first season. In the posts that follow we shall tell you about where the entire cult of gossip started. The present gossip gals wouldn’t have come into existence until and unless they had inherited their gossiping qualities from their ancestors,the ex-gossip gals. So here goes our first one.

Bhau or commonly known as Bhope-Tope, was the greatest poker player in the institute and he had held the record of losing the maximum number of matches in the institute with experts as well as novices. Bhau claimed that his R&D team was the country’s finest R&D team and its headquarters were located under the basketball ground of RP hall which had a secret entry from the mess and where he had many secret missions and projects of national and international importance going on.Though the ASI have dug the entire ground but never found one, Bhau still claims that finding it is way beyond human perception.

People say that he sat for the GD of Deloitte in his jeans and his t-shirt and still managed to qualify for the next round.Bhau was a techno-geek and after his joining in Deloitte, the company has lost 50 GBs of RAM from their computers till date. He even managed to unlock his laptop by swiping his finger on the screen of his laptop rather than on the touchpad. Such was the extent of his geekism.

His wingies often complained that their shirts from hangers went missing from their rooms and often Bhau was spotted wearing them. Bhau often took bath once in a semester since he was deeply affected by the ad shown in Doordarshan which he saw in his childhood which showed a family wasting water washing their buffoloes and leaving their taps open and later their mausi scolding them.As Budhdha had his enlightement, Bhau had a similar one after seeing this particular ad. The ad advised people to save water and had the tagline“Boond boond saagar bharta hai”.

Recently we came to know that he has gone in a deep sense of shock on hearing that Nitu has been placed in Deloitte too and has planned to quit his job. Since Nitu and Bhau had similar qualities(Both were computer geniuses and both took bath once in a semester), Bhau decided to give his entire property(one beanbag)to his successor and that was exactly how the legendary beanbag came to existence.

S01E08

Today the editorial team of gossip girls shall tell you about the cute faced Nanda.Girls love him because of his cute face,but there are many other things that people don't know about him.So here it goes.

Nanda has been in love ever since a little boy becomes curious about a girl's anatomy.He never played cricket or football,his favourite game was "Ghar Ghar".But in his case,he played the wife and used to cook at home while his wife used to go out for work.He is the perfect example of a henpecked husband who waits outside a ladies washroom in a mall with his wife's handbag in his hands.

He is a one-woman man and girls can be very sure that he will never have an extra marital affair or would never go to places looking for Jugaad after marriage.While people often intern abroad just for the sole purpose of visiting stripclubs and looking for jugaad,Nanda too went abroad for his internship but reporters report that he never went to either stripclubs or those cheap massage parlours.So I guess that proves my point.

He is obsessed with himself.He continues changing profile pictures on FB and his close friends often complain that he forces them to like his display pictures or himself hits the like button when their facebook account is left unattended in order to increase his like counts.

Another thing that he is obsessed with is dust,dirt and trash.His room is the perfect example which has not been cleaned for years.He takes bath once in time x where x ranges from weeks in summer and months in winter.

Because of his figure of 24 24 36, many desperate guys have tried to get into physical relation with him.In an estrogen starved campus,he has become a source of satisfaction to a number of guys.He has slept with n number of guys since his second year and the trend has been followed since then.He has the stomach of a woman which can never digest any secrets,so you better don't tell him any of yours.Again this is a result of lack of male company in his childhood.

Often he is regarded as the "Daddy Junior" of the wing because of he is the one who resolves issues,scolds others,holds hands while crossing roads and asks his so called sons not to misbehave in public places.He once scolded one of his sons so hard that his son disappeared for a week.True story.

To all girls reading this,there is no point thinking of dating this guy because as already told,he is a one-woman man.A perfect one liner description of the guy would be"Launda heera hai heera"