S02E06

Campus News this week:

a)The B.C. Roy Technology hospital has been nominated as the most unique hospital on the planet by the Times Magazine. There are several reasons as to why it was nominated for this award.

1.This is the only place where you find doctors with a B.Tech/M.Tech and M.Sc Degree.Some of them even hold a B.Arch Degree.That's why it is called Technology Hospital.

2.Saline Drip is the ultimate Panacea(for those who have a weak vocabulary, panacea is the remedy of all diseases, more like "Raambaan" in Hindi). The hospital claims to have cured an AIDS patient just by its saline drip.

3.The diseases diagnosed here are always 10x( meaning 10 times more than the patient has). For example, if you cough, you have TB. If you dipped your hands in yellow paint,you have jaundice. And you can have AIDS even if you do not have a sexual partner.

b)The normal reaction of people in common room during a match involving India:

1.If there is a 4 or a 6 scored by India, people shouted "Yo INDIA!!"

2.If there is a not-so-hot-chic shown on TV screen, people shouted "Yo KGP!!"

c)And finally, a common scenario in Bengal Restaurants is that people do not find delicacies that they wish for.

1. Customer 1: "Beer hobe?"
Restaurant:" Beer hobe, thanda naa hobe."

2. Customer 2: "Daal hobe?"

Restaurant:" Daal hobe, tadka naa hobe."

3.Customer 3: "Chicken hobe?"

Restaurant:"Chicken hobe, jinda hobe."

That's all from us this week.Stay tuned for more Gossip.

S02E05

We shall continue the trend of telling you rules, theories and facts that are very relevant in the campus.So let's kick off.

1. The Naari Mukti Pariyojna: This rule applies for all females and states that the profile pic on Facebook of any girl, how bad it is, has to be liked by all fellow females and has to be followed by comments like "H.A.W.T",Sexy etc.

2.The Desperate Bro Rule: This rule as an inspiration from Barney's Bro Code. While the original Bro Code has many articles like "No sex with Bro's Ex" and the likes, we have tried to include another clause for all our Desperate Bros and it goes like this.

" A Desperate Bro shall like each and every status and pic of a hot chic on Facebook and the like shall be followed by a desperate comment."

1. The like shows that the bro is desperate.
2. The comment keeps a check on all other fellow desperate bros since the original desperate bro gets all desperate notifications.

3.Rainy 2.2 Rule: For those of you who do not know what 2.2 is. it is a loop of perimeter 2.2 kms, and is somehow considered to be very romantic in nature.The rule is valid only when it starts raining in Kgp and the girl says"Oooh, it's raining outside, the weather is so nice and romantic. Let's go for a 2.2," means that the girl originally says" I'm already all wet."#allpunintended

4.Hot chic vs Not-so-hot-chic Rule: This rule applies when you have a hot chic surrounded by two not-so-hot-chics. The final golden rule says that "A girl in hand is better than two WITH the Bush"

5. This is what a Bong said when he was asked to read aloud the famous proverb "Birds of a feather flock together"-"Birds of a feather fock together"

That's all for now. Stay tuned.

S02E04

As always, we shall come up with theories and rules that are very relevant to the current scenario in the campus.This week too, we shall tell you similar theories,rules and facts that our expert team has come up with.

a)The M-G Ratio: The M-G(Maal to Girls) ratio is defined as number of hot chics to the total number of girls in a particular area at a particular time. The M-G ratio is an important factor in any area and particularly in a campus. Some typical M-G ratio are:

1.In Europe and USA, the M-G ratio is close to 1

2.In India, the M-G ratio is around .1, which means every tenth girl is hot.

3.In Kgp, the M-G ratio is almost close to 0.001.

4.Even in many African countries, the M-G ratio has been found to be better than that in Kgp :O

With a low M-G ratio, there can be serious consequences of:

1.Friends fighting over a common girl.

2.A testosterone charged campus.

3.Most of the males resorting to other means of satisfaction such as homosexuality and porn.

b) The G..oops B-spot theory: An abbreviation for Blog-Spot Theory,this theory states that most of the guys, who have failed in love more than once (in short losers) often become shaayars and bloggers.

c) Latest dressing trends in the campus

1.Window curtains are the new skirts.

2.Pillow covers are the new mini-skirts.

3.Well, Handkerchief speaks for itself.

d) They say "Whatever happens in Jnan Ghosh, stays in Jnan Ghosh"(For those of you who do not know, Jnan Ghosh is an open ground in the campus with no security at night time). So coming back to our quote people say that Whatever happens in Jnan Ghosh, stays in Jnan Ghosh, UNLESS you are an FBI agent and go there at night shouting "FBI!!Put your...your WHATEVER where we can SEE THEM. The similarities between NBA and Jnan Ghosh are

1.Most of the action takes place during the night time.

2.Both have a common tagline "Where amazing Happens!!"

That's all from us for this week, stay tunned.

S02E03

Few revolutionary changes in the campus as suggested by our expert team

1."Dancing is bad. Dancing leads to s*x" Robin Scherbatsky, How I Met your Mother.

Keeping this quotation in mind, PDS(pronounced as PeeDeeAss) a new society shall take the art of dancing to a new level. PDS, an abbreviation for Pole Dancers Society shall be concentrating on the new kinds of dances that are in demand. This shall include all sorts of Pole Dancing and Lap Dancing( not to mention other kinds of teases). In a survey, the students complained that the current dancing troupe gives a few students, the opportunity to get in physical contact with girls, so our new society shall ensure participation of all the students and give them an opportunity to get in physical contact with the girls. The students shall be paying for the PERFORMANCES( instead of productions), though the shows will be subsidized as all other products are in the IIT.

2.A new competition called WTFW ( What the Fuck word) If you are bored of WTGW, this new competition shall have all sorts of vulgar words that shall be enacted by the participating teams without the use of speech.

Facts of this week:

Our infamous R an D team has also come up with a few stunning facts this week.

1. Powercuts on Hall days have been proven to be the most productive time during Hall days and most of the time, they have been purposely done.

Placement Statistics

2. The maximum number of commitments in the campus are made in the final year after the placement season.

3. Results show that the maximum number of guys to score chics are the ones that are placed on Day 1. The graph then shows an exponential drop with the number of guys scoring chics on Day 5 tending to zero.

4. However guys going to IIMs have less chances to score than guys with jobs. The reason found out was that guys with jobs are more secured (with a good bank balance) than those going to IIMs(who shall be in debt of loan for another 2 years)

S02E02

Top 10 things to do on an Airport and on an airplane:

1.Go to the Airlines help counter outside the airport and say "Internet chal raha hai? Ek PNR check karke batayenge RAC hai ya waiting?"

2.Try making some money.Take a few chains and try to sell them outside the airport to the passengers for fastening their luggages.

3.Make people curious.With a tea kettle in hand, try selling tea by shouting "Sabse kharaab chaai"

4.Try making new friends. Select a person who is in a hurry(preferably a hot girl) and say "Madam, ek foto le denge airport ke saamne please"

6. Go to the cockpit(cockpit,well that's funny) and request the pilot "Thoda left lenge aage se"

6.Again go to the cockpit and ask the co-pilot "Dada,Lajpat Nagar jaayenge kya?"Make sure you do not disturb the pilot because he is driving.

7.Safety comes first.Ask the pilot and the co-pilot "Helmet laga lijiye, aapke safety ke liye hi hai"

8.Try calling a sexy air-hostess and tell her in a sweet and innocent voice "Jab malviya nagar aayega to bata denge.Hum yahan naye hain."

9.If you have a girl with you ask your fellow passenger to compromise"Bhaishab thoda adjust keejiye, dekh nahi rahe ladeej hai saath mein."

10.If you smoke, call those smart stewards and ask "Ek tho Beedi pilayenge?"

S02E01

So we are back! As we said it would be a very short season break.

Reports have just come in that Boke Studio started by Vj has been a great success and has had over a million views. After the success of Boke studio and after seeing many flop Koffee shows, Vj has decided to start a new show called Chalu Chai with Vj .The catchline of the show as he reports shall be “is back after a BANG” .Our secret reporters have also told us that Vj has an obsession with the word BANG. Vj shall be hosting the show himself and he claims that the show shall be creating a revolution in the television and youtube history and shall be kicking asses of all other similar kind of shows.

“The guest on my show shall be the most renowned personalities known so far. The show already had more than 3000 likes on FB and has had the maximum TRP even before it is aired,” claims Vj. The guests shall be served with Chalu Chai and Pornflakes. He has already revealed that the first episode of his show shall have some prominent Gujjars from Rajasthan. They shall be gifted with fish plates and railway tracks in the Rape-it Fire Round.

Vj has further informed us that his show shall not have any Governors from any societies but shall have the Governor of Rajasthan himself. Also as a token of remembrance, he shall have thumb impressions of the celebs on Chai Glasses (since most of the guests are from Rajasthan and are illiterate). Also there shall be variations in each episode and apart from the Rape-it Fire Round there shall be Ma Behn round (as in Ma guitar, Ma I-pod and Ma life.After checking other Koffee shows, he believes that a little bit of wannabe character sells the show ) where the guests shall have to write an essay on their sisters and the much awaited Jugnu Round, where the guests shall be asked to catch fireflies.

To make the show international he has also contacted some very famous personalities from Bangbros and Realitykings. “This shall take my show to an international level” he says. Later we came to know that Lacie Heart and Sasha Grey have agreed to be on his show and both of them will be showing their POSITIONS of responsibility (as told to us by Vj) on the show. Vj believes that there is no social taboo in bringing such guests because of two reasons, one that Rajasthan is too open minded and two that the girls on other koffee shows are equally slutty if not more.

The major sponsors of this show are Vivid entertainment (Bang it on) and Chhedis (The perfect place to bang on V-Day) and the Media Partners being the same as the 3G awards, Radio ***chi 69 FM (Bajate raho which when translated means “Keep Banging”). This shows Vj’s obsession with the word BANG. Seeing the popularity of this show in this competitive market, there has been news of other shows like “Gaanja with Nitu” and "Say na something to Pampam Uncle"

S01E15

We have come to the season finale and we had saved the best facts and figures for the last episode. So in this final episode of our Season 1, the protagonist is the head of the family of the gossip and the ex-gossip gals. So people, we present before you Daddy (Also referred as Bahubali, Ban da, Jadhav)

Daddy’s popularity in kgp was often compared to that of Jayalalitha in Tamil Nadu, the difference being that while she was referred as Amma, Daddy was referred as Appa (which again means Daddy).That was how Daddy came to be known as Daddy.

Even though his hometown was in the countryside of Ranchi, he had a strong dislike for Bhojpuri and Jharkhandi Folk songs. Many of his close friends report that his first year gmail ID was arnav.love&lust but later to save the embarrassment he changed it to arnav.ll. To improve his SQ (not sentimental quotient but sex quotient) he had a huge range of cosmetics which included the infamous Multani Mitti. Often he was seen with two cucumbers on his eyes and hair rolls in his hair to give it the special curly look.

While final years barely have, out of 4 meals, once or twice meal in a day, Daddy had 8 meals per day. He did not even buy the Multani mitti but preferred the Mitti from the basketball court. His USP on DC++ was his special Bhajan(a codeword for porn in kgp)collection with his nick Bahubali and he claimed that every second, a bhajan was uploaded from his so called collection. Also he had subscribed to 2 newspapers daily, since he did not find 1 newspaper enough.

To increase his popularity on Hall day among girls, he had written comments like “gr8 company” and “tussi great ho” on the walls of his room before the Hall day even began. And to serve his guests, he willfully bought an expired cold drink and later showed everyone that the cold drink had expired and was not good for health.

He often refused to treat his juniors when they asked for, and the entire process would go the other way round with the juniors treating him. Also while he never ate more than 5 Butter Rotis at Sahara of his own money, he ate more than 20 with someone else’s and continued saying the same dialogue “Abey yahan ki Roti to pata hi nahi chalti”. While men take pride in beating others and their favourite catchline is “Maarunga 10, ginunga 1”, Daddy’s favourite catchphrase was “Khaunga 10, ginunga 1”

Daddy’s character in his last semester resembled that of Adam Sandler in 50 first dates, the only difference being that while Adam dated the same girl 50 times, Daddy dated 50 different girls at the same time. Our secret Reporters even said that he had drove all the way with a borrowed bike, borrowed petrol and a borrowed girl to Sher-e-Punjaab (100 kms from Kgp) just to eat Chana Jor Garam and came back saying that with a bike, the ride seemed so heavenly and “Time ka to pata hi nahi chala”

In spite of everything, he performed the duties of showing his paternal care to his children (not by spending money on them) but by scolding them while they involved themselves in unsocial activities like eve-teasing. And how much his kids bash on him, they have confessed that they still love him.

That’s all from us on Season 1. We do hope that you enjoyed Season 1. We shall be back after a short season break with brand new gossip and brand new episodes on Season 2. Ciao.