"..because we ought to tell what we see and hear,"Holy Bible

Monday, October 11, 2010

S01E04

Having talked about the group of gossip gals and giving a brief introduction about each of them,today we shall be discussing about the dwellings of the gossip monsters and their gossip hangouts.

1.Museum:Considered to be the oldest building in the history of the planet,the museum is inhabited by Baba.The room resembles a cave where there are no artificial lights owing to the fact that Baba was originally a caveman and he never forgot the basics.The room is still illuminated with fire that is ignited by rubbing stones and is now declared a heritage site by both UNESCO and ASI.The room has an antique collection of historical elements including stones from Stone age,wardrobes full of accessories made of animal skins,ancient maps and compasses and even dinosaurs' eggs.The institute is protective about the museum since it believes that the Department of Geology and Geophysics came into existence because of it.

2.Bird's Nest:Inhabited by Neetu(President evil),the room has an intelligent temperature control system that provides optimum temperature for the incubation of all sorts of eggs.With the ambiance of a bar,the room is famous for one-night stands with drunk pigeons.It got lucky twice when people saw naked doves coming out of the room in the morning.Apart from this,the room has a comfortable bean bag,a 4.1 speaker system ,a semi-opened computer with 2 windows (one with DC++ and one without) and ubuntu installed(Linux later changed their tagline to"Ubuntu:Linux for human beings and crows.") and an excellent coffee maker(that helps people recover from their hangover).It is now a hub where 2 or more people often get involved in a mutual talk about everything nonsensical(gossip).

3.Sulabh Shauchalya:I guess you would have already guessed who lives in this room.Refer to S01E01.The room is used for 2 purposes:

1.CV Building
2.Nature's Call

The room has now become a synonym for public pay-and-use-toilet with its dirty walls and doors that cannot be closed.The room is also characterized by:

1.Lack of basic amenities like soap(for both the purposes),toothpaste and razor.
2.Smelly underwears at strategic locations.

Final year students often pay for using the room for their CV building and review.

4.Hashmi Dawakhana: Earlier called Kopebhavan, the room used to be a place where people used to talk to Dr.Shek about their failed love life and vent out their frustrations and Dr.Loveguru would be the perfect counselor.But the scenario now has changed with Dr.Shek becoming the victim and other people doing his job.The room has numerous types of hair and massage oil(Olive,coconut and mustard) and medicines from the infamous Dr.Batra Clinic that hypotheticlly help in recovering lost hair.Although the guy remains an eternal bachelor,somehow he has an almirah(with a million set of clothes inside) that people say had come along with his dowry.

5.Chakla:Owned and inhabited by Natha,the room earlier used to be the gossip hub but now has been deserted.It has now become institute famous for its long hours chatting capability.All sorts of chats(dumb,intellectual and even se*) are conducted here.The LAN connection of this room has been very trustworthy and faithful(which is very unlike Natha) and has stayed with Natha through thick and thin and in health and sickness.

6.Hotel Decent:This room has been the guest house of the wing for years.Owned and managed by Vj, the room is rented on an hourly basis(The manager is heavily inspired by the movie Jab We Met).The room has been certified as a zero star hotel because of its very little amenities.The manager really doesen't have any grudges or regrets for being rated a zero star hotel because of his belief in the punchline of the hotel"Only one bed is enough for the night".Other amenities include:

1.Baygon Spray for driving away mosquitoes in the bathroom.
2.Nycil Powder for giving a fair complexion
3.Cinthol deo-spray which is often used as a room freshener(or is it?)
4.A 1.0 speaker(originally a 2.1 but now with one speaker and woofer not working) that gives sound equivalent to a radio.

Inspite of having a delicate electric connection(the computer shuts down periodically after 15 minutes and also shuts on switching on the fan and the light)the room has had 2 regular customers(Thando and DP) who have given tremendous feedbacks to us about the room.

Apart from having so much diversity in our wing,the only thing that holds us together is "GOSSIP"

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

S01E03:Did You Know?

In our last post we had confirmed about Baba's connection with Brahma and Vishnu.Our senior reporters have done a lot of research on the life of Baba and have done a commendable job bringing out some stunning facts about his life.

1.Believe it or not but Baba has rode mammoths and carts driven by dinosaurs.Believers even believe that he could understand their langauage and communicate with them.

2.Baba is considered to be the mastermind behind the drainage system of the Indus Valley Civilization.He is also believed to know more than 1000 languages and scripts including that of the Indus Valley Civilization.

3.Historians believe that Baba had played a major role to play in babysitting Jesus.It is believed that Mary had immense trust on Baba whenever she left Jesus in his custody.

4.The timeline for the years started as AB(After Baba) before the birth of Jesus.Noted historians are of the opinion that there is no term such as BB(Before Baba) but after Jesus was born the timeline started as BC and AD.

5.Very few know the fact that Gandhi and Baba had together gone to a stripclub in South Africa where they were thrown out because of their colour.That was exactly when the agitation against racism started.

6.The Dandi March was a joint venture between Gandhi and Baba.In the famous picture of the Dandi March with Gandhi leading,Baba is believed to be further ahead in the procession but he walked too fast and when the picture was being taken, he went out of the frame.

7.Gandhi and Baba though were close friends,had some misunderstandings when Gandhi figured out extra marital affairs of his wife Kasturba with his so-called best friend.

8.There was no one in the family of Gandhi that earned the same fame as Gandhi did, an attribute that Baba had, further strengthening the conception that Kasturba did have extra marital affairs with Baba, and she went all the way.

9.The famous movie Gandhi,my father based on the life of Gandhi's son was actually called"Gandhi,my father??????" but later was changed in order to maintain the integrity of the Gandhi family.

Though being an icon in each and every historical landmark,he is one of the unsung heroes.But he continued showing his modesty by giving the credit of everything to others with his name being lost from the pages of history.The team of gossip gals salutes the legend.

Monday, October 4, 2010

S01E02

In a shocking turn of events,we have just been reported that thousands of crows have gathered outside Vijay Mallya's house in protest.Lately there had been news of unrest among the crow community but today their agitation has come to its peak.So what is the agitation for?Our senior reporters tried to have a talk with some of the leaders of the TCKS(Technology Crow Kaain Society)

"We have been cheated",says Neetu,the president of the TCKS."Vijay Mallya named his airlines after kingfisher,a rival bird without having the slightest consideration for us."Crows who have gathered outside Vijay Mallya's house have been there for past 12 hours, shouting slogans which translated by one of the bird specialists means"cholbe naa cholbe naa(Wont work Wont work)" and shitting on each and every person that is visiting Viajy Mallya."It has been a terrible sight at the Playboy's house,"reports our senoir journalist.He has to cancel all the meetings since all his visitors have been the targets of the crows.However the kith and kin of the playboy have been spotted walking with umbrellas."It is terrible,"says a dear one of the tycoon."We have been unable to walk outside the house because of the protests.It has been a flood of crow shit outside our house."

The crows on the other side have said that they will continue their agitation in the same way until and unless Mallya renames his airline after their community."We have been the foremost leaders in the birds society.We have been here since time immemorial.We deserve due respect",said one of the senior leaders of the TCKS."Yes,crows have been there since the birth of Lord Krishna.I have seen them in Ramanand Sagar's Jai Shree Krishna,even though we played the role of villains.But don't you respect Amrish Puri?"said a young activist of the society."Even Baba knows this fact.You can confirm with him."Baba on the other hand has not said anything on the matter."Anything I say can go against the two parties.I rather prefer to stay mum,"Baba said when he was asked to confirm history.

Our journalists tried to take the opinion of the elderly crows on the situation."Look first he named his airline after the kingfisher bird.We had grudges but we did not say anything.He poses with nude girls.We didn't have any problem.Now he named his beer after the bird.This is ridiculous.We have been ill-treated.We do not get due respect in the bird society because of our colour.We are treated like Afro-Americans.And now we do not get any name in the work that we do best,fly,"said an elderly crow confirming that racism still exists in the bird society.A young crow seconded to the opinion of the elder crow."We are often referred as blackie by other pigeon kids.What can we do if we are black?We have stopped playing with them now and also do not share our bat and ball with them."

"Our comunity is the very best in flying.The next closest rivals are eagles.But we can defeat them in a flying competition,"said the president of the society.He even cited examples to show the superiority of the community."Once a kingfisher flight was on its way from Pune to Delhi.One of our activists followed it.He then sped up,overtook the plane and even showed his middle finger to the pilot.The pilot was dumb-struck after seeing this.You can confirm it with the pilot himself.Our young activist also said that the air-hostesses were damn hot in the airlines.But that is getting off-topic"

Meanwhile things have worsened after Vijay Mallya refused to accept the demands of the community."This is insane.I cannot name my airlines after this ugly community.Can you imagine people asking for tickets for crow airlines and young students asking for crow beer?I will be laughed at globally.This is never going to happen."

"This had to happen.We have been badly treated everywhere.Pigeons say they are better looking than us and are also fairer.Cuckoo lays its eggs in our nest.We are peaceful birds and hatch their eggs thinking that our babies will come out of the eggs.And yet,pigeons are considered to be the signs of peace.Our children refuse to go to school as they are badly treated there by children of other birds.Whenever we try to hit on doves,we are often imprisoned or fined but nothing happens to the pigeons when they hit on doves.Even though we are the majority group in the community,we do not get our rights,"Neetu,the president said.

Vijay Malya has refused to talk to any of the crow leaders."I am suffering losses worth crores of rupees because of the protest.They have dropped their shit on me 5 times.Still I am not going to make compromises on the name of my company,"said a very adamant Mallya.The crows have also told us that they shall not stop protesting unless and until Mallya apologizes and names his company after their community."The kingfisher is an unlucky bird.Haven't you seen his team Royal Challengers Bangalore lose everytime in the IPL!"said a very old crow who is known for his black magic in the community.

In the mean time ,Police has been called at the site but there is nothing much they can do to bring law and order in the situation."They keep shitting on us and we cannot shoot at them,so we just shoo them away."Said DSP Rajendra Baniya.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

S01E01

Earlier we had stated that people had believed Baba had Brahma and Vishnu added to his friends’ list but the reports had not been confirmed.This shocking piece of evidence further strengthens the belief of the people.

Baba is very skeptical about people reading his emails and chats and he never leaves his gtalk unattended.But Natha somehow managed to forward some of Baba's chats to his email,reports say.

Here is a part of a conversation between him and Brahma:

Babaimmortal:Ssup dude??

Cooldudebrahma:Ssup nigga?

Babaimmortal:Hows life?

Calling Cooldudebrahma at 10:30 PM.

Call to Cooldudebrahma not answered.

Cooldudebrahma:Dude I am at work.

Babaimmortal:Sorry bro.Hows life?

Cooldudebrahma:Nothing much,stuck in same old work of creating new planets and destroying the old ones.

Babaimmortal:Haha..Still working with the planets oldie :P

Cooldudebrahma:STFU!Atleast I have a job,you don't have any :P

Babaimmortal:Chill dude..

Cooldudebrahma:Don't you get bored with your infinite life?

Babaimmortal:No dude,plenty of girls here who don't know my real age.

Cooldudebrahma:So are these girls beautiful?

Babaimmortal:No, stuck at kgp :P

Cooldudebrahma: Send me some pictures of pretty girls at your kgp.I just want to compare them with those here.

Babaimmortal is sharing a folder Mast Maal with Cooldudebrahma

Transfer Complete

Cooldudebrahma: Looks disgusting.I guess my decision of not going to earth was better than yours.

Babaimmortal: :(

Cooldudebrahma: I just googled kgp and it says every girl in kgp has one boyfriend and one friend for benefit and 83% of the second category are males.

Babaimmortal:True

Cooldudebrahma:So you are not even amongst the two.

Babaimmortal:No,not yet.

Cooldudebrahma:Loser :P

Babaimmortal: :|

Cooldudebrahma:Relax dude.

Babaimmortal:Anyways,not hitting on any apsara up there?

Cooldudebrahma:Just slept with a drunk one yesternight :P

Babaimmortal: :O

Cooldudebrahma: Jealous :P.

Babaimmortal:Where did you find her?

Cooldudebrahma:There was a party at Vishnu's place and I met her there.

Babaimmortal:So what was the party for?

Cooldudebrahma:It was about the verdict.Silly humans fighting for a place for us when we are having a ball time over here :P.We even had an opinion poll here in the local news channel(hosted by Urvashi..God she is hot).But the party was great

Babaimmortal: Aaah!Party at Vishnu's place.Reminds me of the good old times when the three of us used to party hard and sing the song"Jahan chaar yaar mil jaaye vahin raat ho gulzar(the 4th one being Bagpiper club soda)

Cooldudebrahma:Yes,good old times.The three party monsters all getting drunk and hitting on drunk apsaras.

Babaimmortal:How's Vishnu?

Cooldudebrahma:He is fine.Had a party at his place after a long time.

Babaimmortal:So did you guys stick to the old Beer?

Cooldudebrahma:No dude, just RS.

Babaimmortal:Got some gossip?

Cooldudebrahma:Vishnu was caught red-handed hitting on drunk Meneka.Vishwamitra caught him.She was dating Vishwa and then Vishnu tried to steal his girl.They got into a fight and the bartender had to call the security.

Babaimmortal:hahahahah!too bad for Vishnu.Well, the three of us never have been on peace terms with Vishwa.

Cooldudebrahma:Also rumours have spread that Shiv has been chatting a lot with Urvashi lately.

Babaimmortal:How did you come to know about it?

Cooldudebrahma:Read them on his mail account and managed to forward some on my gmail.He logged in from my laptop and then forgot to sign off.Am forwarding them to you.

Babaimmortal:Great.

Cooldudebrahma:brb.

Babaimmortal:ok

Sent at 11:42 PM ,Sunday

Cooldudebrahma:Yup,I'm back.Just got an invitation from Shiv for a dinner tonight at his place.No beer tonight as there is some dry day.All the bars shall be closed for today.

Babaimmortal:Ohh birth of Gandhi,the freedom fighter of India.

Cooldudebrahma:Do you know him?

Babaimmortal:Aah,an old friend of mine.Though never drank with me.He was against alcohol

Cooldudebrahma:Lame.So how's everything on earth?

Babaimmortal:Everything is fine though there are some issues like global warming that need to be tackled.I guess I'll be needing some help of yours

Cooldudebrahma:Anything serious?

Babaimmortal: No,but these problems are beyond the understanding of humans,I guess we both have to look into it.

Cooldudebrahma:The problem looks grave!

Babaimmortal:Not yet but needs to be tackled fast.Or else these humans will continue releasing CO2 into the atmosphere causing greenhouse effect and thus increasing the earth's temperature.

Cooldudebrahma:You seem to have learnt a lot of things after leaving us.Good for you.

Babaimmortal: Jealous :P ,Atleast I am more knowledgable than you :P

Cooldudebrahma: Agreed.

Babaimmortal:Went on a Europe tour a few months back.

Cooldudebrahma:Kewl.So how was it?

Babaimmortal:Smoked weeds in Amsterdam.

Cooldudebrahma:Aah weeds,reminds me of the days when the three of us used to smoke together and listen to Pink Flyod songs.

Babaimmortal:Yup,Vishnu was the first one to get high.

Cooldudebrahma:hahahaha!

Babaimmortal: Amsterdam was fun,the RLD was great.

Cooldudebrahma:Better than the one over here?

Babaimmortal:Definitely :P

Cooldudebrahma: :(

Babaimmortal: Jealous :P

Cooldudebrahma: Well there are some good things on earth.

Babaimmortal:Yes,so deciding on going to earth was not at all a bad decision.

Cooldudebrahma:Agreed.

Babaimmortal:Hey,wanna grab a beer this weekend.

Cooldudebrahma:Sure,will bring Vishnu along.

Babaimmortal:Cool.Lets meet up and hit on drunk girls here.

Cooldudebrahma:Done!

Babaimmortal:Cya then.

Cooldudebrahma:Bbye Tc

Babaimmortal:Tc

Saturday, October 2, 2010

PILOT

Just for an introduction,gossip gals is a group of 6 guys(note the irony) in their superfinal year who shall be briefly introduced in this post.

Lets go heightwise

Pandey:Commonly known as pandu,natha,he is the guy that can steal your girlfriend(No kidding,he has already done it) and make things hell for you if you like someone.All that he learnt of computers in his four years is installing Gtalk on his computer.Before entering his room people often are advised to wear a gas mask and forensics still have a doubt on the major cause of the Bhopal Gas Tragedy.

Vj:Known for his nymphomania, he has the best scanner eyes that can scan a girl from top to bottom in just one look.He can send arbit friend requests to girls with a message saying:"I am back"as the title of the subject and "Kiska hai ye tumko intezaar main hoon na"as the body of the message.And believe me or not,the girl added him on FB.While people tend to play soft melodies while sleeping,VJ prefers to play 5 hours non-stop remixes and episodes of Byomkesh Bakshi while sleeping.

Baba:He is believed to have been living since time immemorial.People say he has seen the universe get created ,dinosaurs get extinct,continents drift apart and some even believe he has Brahma and Vishnu added in his gtalk friends list.

Dhalli:If you want to turn this guy on you just have to say the word shit(commonly called tatti in hindi) and all its synonyms.A fan of the 90s,he can watch movies like Hum Apke hain Kaun,Maine Pyaar Kiya on KMPlayer on a repeat mode.

Shek:He is the guy with the red eyes, a master of disguise of emotions, his characters resemble close to that of a touch-me-not plant(He is often referred as chhuimui).A basketball maniac,if given a chance he would sleep with Kobe Bryant.He is also called the "youtube clip guy"because of his obsession with the website and other websites starting with the word you.He even uninstalled DC++ to pay more attention to such websites.

Neetu:This guy has attributes of a crow,his battalions are all located on trees in front of gymkhana, and with his one signal,they can fire at you.If one has to really find out more about this guy,he should simply watch the movie RUN.People say he is a computer genius but only few know that all these years he has just learnt the full forms of technical terms like HTTP,TCIP,DVD,STD and ISD.His close friends say that he sings the same song"Ishq Kamina..Mushkil karde jeena"on all their birthdays and follows the same dancesteps.

So that's a brief introduction of the group.The group resembles woo-girls shown on Girls Gone Wild or Desperate Housewives or the Kaam vali Baai group that have nothing else to do other than GOSSIP.