S03E04

Today we shall tell you about a rare specie, one that is found only in Haryana, commonly known as "Jaats". Jaats have been nominated as one of the most dangerous living mammals in the world after dinosaurs.

Jaats are said to have monopoly in the entire NCR region. They can get away with anything they do. While a close competitor of Jaats, the Gujjars in Rajasthan have shown similar trends, but Jaats have overshadowed them in all fields. While Gujjars have claimed to derail trains by removing fish plates, reports say that Jaats have been able to derail trains without removing fish plates. We are still clueless about their MO (Modus Operandi). The government of Delhi, Haryana and UP have collectively decided to rename NCR by NJR ( National Jaat Region)

Jaats in NCR can do anything and get away with it. They can pee infront of your shops, they can come after you in a barber's shop and get their haircut before you. While in ROI (Rest of India) there have been cases of hit and run, the trend seems to reverse in Haryana, where cases of RUN AND HIT have been registered.

In order to keep the other mammals intact in NJR, the government has set up some ground rules for harmonious living. The basic assumption of the government is that you ought to give the respect to this set of people having abnormally huge bodies and inexplicably small brains(which is quite similar to dinosaurs), that they deserve. Some of these are as follows:

1. In case your car is hit from behind by a Jaat's car, you run.

2. In public places, Jaats can do anything and you cannot oppose them. If you do, you are liable to be beaten up.

3. In case you see a Jaat dancing madly in a night club, please stay out of the safe radius. The safe radius that the government has declared is 22.5 m and anyone inside this radius is prone to damage. In case of any damage done to you, you need to apologize for it.

4. In case you have to register a case against a Jaat and the police officer that is registering the complaint is also a Jaat, you better not say anything. In the best scenario, you run.

5. Jaats can travel in buses and for this the bus conductor needs to pay him.

6. Sophisticated systems in Metro are not meant for Jaats. They can jump the AFC gates( those gates where you show your ticket) and they can pull the chain as per their convenience to get down if their destination happens to be in between 2 stops.

7. If auto drivers happen to be Jaats, you cannot bargain. He can drop you anywhere and you cannot argue. If you do, you are liable to get beaten up.

8. In all other cases, you are liable to get beaten up. So you better run for your life.

However some of the species have opposed to these kind of stringent rules. " Sadda Haqq...Aiththe Rakh" said one of the representatives of a community. He was later found in AIIMS and was diagnosed with 206 fractures.

With these set of rules, the government hopes to preserve the rest of the endangered and even some extinct mammals in NCR.

Season Filler

This is not a regular post. This is a filler and this is not just another humorous post of ours. This is something that has made me thinking over the last couple of days. So here it goes.

Scenario 1: I travel daily to my office at 9:30 AM. I cross the same traffic light daily. I see the same small girl selling balloons at the signal. I notice her daily, waiting for the signal to be red, as she runs from one car to another trying to market her product. The same thing is done by many smart people in our company, for which they get paid tons. But what I failed to notice was the hope in her eyes every time I lowered my glass and the hopelessness in her eyes every time I lift my glass carelessly looking ahead as she keeps on trying till the last bit. And then the signal goes green as she tries to save herself from being run over by the zillions of speeding cars. How could I not notice these things?

Scenario 2: I am a business analyst, I calculate a lot of equity and derivatives. People say I am good at it. I travel by train very frequently. Almost every time I see an old man selling red and black candies in the train. I see such an old man every time. He comes and goes while I ruthlessly ignore him. What I couldn't calculate was this "If this man sells around 50 packets of candies a day (I am being optimistic) at Rs 2 each, making a profit of 50 paise on each. his everyday earning is Rs 10, an amount that I say is of no value today." How could I not calculate such a simple thing?

Scenario 3: Again I am travelling by train, cribbing that my company doesn't pay me as much as I work. I see an old lady selling cucumbers. She must be of my grandma's age or maybe more. I complain that I work so hard but I don't get paid enough. She passes by me and I continue with my cribbing. I don't know where she lives and I don't even care. How the hell does it matter to me! But again what I failed to notice was this. She works maybe 1000 times harder than me and earns maybe 1000 times less than me. At such an old age she carries a heavy basket and goes from compartment to compartment trying to sell those cucumbers. But I didn't notice. And even if I did, I didn't care.

I don't know how to end this post. Every story does not have a happy ending, and I am sure the above mentioned three stories also will not have a happy ending. And even if they will, I don't care.

S03E03

Today we got an email from a guy called "frustoo banda". Shocked to see, we have copied it in our blog.Please read it

" And then I boarded the train at 2 AM and I scanned the entire reservation chart to find a F 23 in the list but instead I found one F 53 and the rest all Ms. And then I found my berth right infront of the toilet. And when I found my berth, I found a fat guy snoring and sleeping on my berth. So I had to wake him and ask him to "F**K off". And then when I had just slept, the TTE came. And then when I tried to find my ticket, I couldn't find it. And then when I finally found the ticket, showed him and slept, some asshole turned the light on. And then in the morning I sent a girl, whom I have been liking for the past 2 years a message. And then when the phone beeped and I found a new message, I anxiously opened it just to find out that it was from TM-5234 saying that I could enlargen my height by 2-3 inches.(no pun intended) How the F**K they came to know that I am short. And then there were some sixers in the bogie asking for money and touching me. And then I went from S-1 to S-12 to scan for hot girls but it seems all hot girls travel in AC. And then, when I as about to reach Delhi, the train stopped to give pass to Rajdhani, as if we are second class citizens. And then the train moved at such a great pace, that a buffalo overtook it and showed me its middle finger.WTF Indian Railways"

And then I boarded the Delhi Metro, and entered the first compartment, where I found all hot girls unlike my train journey. And then I was fined because I entered the ladies coach. Why can't they just call it MaalGaadi? And then I went to the second coach and sat down there. And then a hot girl came smiling which made me feel happy. And then she asked me to get up because that was again sitting on the ladies seat. And then the lady in the metro announced "Please mind the gap". And then I shifted a little bit away from the girl sitting next to me but later found that she was talking of some other gap. WTF Delhi Metro. Screw you Public Transport"

And the next news is that people in Haryana have listed "Maar Kaat Kar denge, Maa behen ek kar denge" as their hobbies. So Mountain Dew in its promotion in Haryana have changed their slogan to "Darr ke aage JAAT hai"

That's all from us. Happy Independence Day.

S03E02

"Ek to tu ch***a lagta hai, formals mein tu aur ch***a lagta hai" Pyaar ka Punchnama

Today we shall talk about how being in a corporate life is in other words, how it feels to be a corporate whore.

1. HRs generally specialize in PR and by PR, we do not mean Public Relationhips, we mean Physical Relationships.

2. Corporate Whores generally use a QWERTY cellphones. We would rather call it SQUERTY cellphones.Also, these CWs as they are commonly called make the best use of VIBRATION mode in a cellphone.

3.The probability of partnerships with a second company is a function of the amount of cleavage, a female SPOC(as it is used in the corporate dictionary) can show to the first company. This is also applicable to female candidates who come for interviews in a compnay.

PS:In 2nd case the HR may or may not be a male.

That's all from us this week. Stay TUNNED.

S03E01

Well we are back once again, and as we declared in the last post, it did not turn out to be the last one. It was just a hoax.

In this facebook maniac world, we wondered what it would be like if facebook was alive during the days of Mahabharta, what would be the scenario then. So today we shall tell you some memorable status of famous personalities.

1.Duryodhan: Chilling out with bros at Hastinapur.

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Yudhidhthir:Dude, let's meet up for a game of poker. I can bet Draupadi :D ;)

2.Dushshasan just before the "Chirharan Kaand" : Is going to plunder Draupadi #helluvafun

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Bheem:Kutte, kamine..Main tera khoon pee jaaunga

Dushshasan:Lolmax

Srikrishna:Beta Lolmax to tera ab hoga :P

3.Drithrashtra: Yippie,Just set the record of giving birth to 100 sons :P :D

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4.Gandhari: Just gave birth to 100th son :( Wish I-Pill had been discovered earlier.

Gandhari likes I-pill, Masti and 3 other pages

5. Sri Krishna was tagged in Arjun's Album : Fun at Kurukshetra

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Yudhisthir: Kewl.Suupa Pitcha Man

Arjun: Thanks bro :)

6.Sri Krishna updated his work info

Driver of Gareeb Rath Express for Arjun and 2 others

S02E07

Well the day has come.Finally we are here on our season finale and our blog finale. So if we have to end it, we shall end it in style. Today, we shall disclose to you the original identities of the 6 original gossip gals.

PS No more heightwise description this time.

1.Shek

Identity: Abhishek Singh

Current Job Status: Employed with no joining date

Employer:Price Waterhouse Coopers

Designation:Project Architect??? Oops that was the post he got in Pinnacle Infotech

Wannabe Location: Kolkata

The guy is a real diplomat. He managed to score 2 jobs in just one day and that too in 2 completely different fields. The first one as a project architect in Pinnacle Infotech and the other a consultant in PWC. The 2 situations were:

1. Interviewer 1: Why do you want to stay in Architecture?

2. Interviewer 2: Why do you want to leave architecture and join as a consultant?

And believe it or not, he convinced both the panels to equal degree of satisfaction

2. Nanda

Identity: Dhawal Nanda

Current Job status: Employed with no Visa

Employer: Rio Tinto

Designation:Minor or Miner?( The company is still deciding)

Wannabe Location: Perth, Australia

The guy had been sitting in interviews since Day 0 and finally got a job on Day 7 that was originally a Day 2 job. Confused?? Well, Rio Tinto(Day 2 compnay) guys after returning to Australia decided that they had made a huge mistake rejecting such a "juice launda" who could be an asset to the company. Of course not because of his credentials but because of his perfect figure.

3. Vj

Identity: Saurabh Vijay

Current Job Status: Employed by chance :P

Employer: James D. Armstrong (JDA)

Designation: Wannabe Supply chain Manager

Wannabe Location: Bangalore

The guy's sincereity can be known from the fact that after getting a job, he took a course on Supply chain Management and attended each and every class of it and managed to score a C. However he could not impress his folk people in Rajasthan because they believe that it is just another job in Jaipur Development Authority(JDA). Also the company after his joining has changed its profile to Chain Supply Management ( as in supplying chains for fastening luggage on railway platforms)

4. Neetu

Identity: Nitesh Kumar Mishra

Current Job Status: Emplyed thrice

Employer: Deloitte, Oracle and Flextrade
Designation: Coder or Crowder ( The company isn't sure what his designation should be)

Wannabe Location: Mumbai

Stakes were high that he could barely manage a single job from the campus but he shut his critics' mouth by securing 2 jobs from the campus and one off-campus. His interview was as follows:

Interviewer: Aap Computer pe kya kya bana sakte hain?

Neetu: Sir, Main to bas Ch***ya bana sakta hun.

And he was selected!!

5. Natha

Identity: Piyush Kumar Pandey

Current Job Status:Already Joined

Employer:Verve Consulting

Designation: Analyst+Consultant+Project Architect+Town Planner

Wannabe Location: Bhubaneshwar

The company was so sure about his capabilities that they gave him several designations and also handed him a lot of work even before joining. Now this can be for 2 reasons:

1. Either they are too capable of his capabilities

2. Or they know that he won't work so, in a way they can save a month's salary by making him work even before joining.

6. Finally Baba

Identity:Arif Nezami

Current Job Status: Employed with an expired joining date..which is so unlike him since he does not have an expiry date

Employer: Bharti Realty

Designation: Management Trainee

Wannabe Location: Gurgaon

With one leg in the coffin(ek taang kabr mein) and the second one missing, the company have decided to provide no health insurance to the guy since they believe that the company would go into a huge debt covering his medical expenses. Also because of his age, he has been asked to make as many life insurances from Bharti Aksha Life insurance policies as possible bacause that would bring a huge amount of revenue for another 1000 years(and counting) to the company.

That is all from Gossip Gals. We do hope you enjoyed our episodes. If by any chance you felt offended by our blog then we have only one thing to say, "Sorry but the Inconvenience caused is not at all regretted."

S02E06

Campus News this week:

a)The B.C. Roy Technology hospital has been nominated as the most unique hospital on the planet by the Times Magazine. There are several reasons as to why it was nominated for this award.

1.This is the only place where you find doctors with a B.Tech/M.Tech and M.Sc Degree.Some of them even hold a B.Arch Degree.That's why it is called Technology Hospital.

2.Saline Drip is the ultimate Panacea(for those who have a weak vocabulary, panacea is the remedy of all diseases, more like "Raambaan" in Hindi). The hospital claims to have cured an AIDS patient just by its saline drip.

3.The diseases diagnosed here are always 10x( meaning 10 times more than the patient has). For example, if you cough, you have TB. If you dipped your hands in yellow paint,you have jaundice. And you can have AIDS even if you do not have a sexual partner.

b)The normal reaction of people in common room during a match involving India:

1.If there is a 4 or a 6 scored by India, people shouted "Yo INDIA!!"

2.If there is a not-so-hot-chic shown on TV screen, people shouted "Yo KGP!!"

c)And finally, a common scenario in Bengal Restaurants is that people do not find delicacies that they wish for.

1. Customer 1: "Beer hobe?"
Restaurant:" Beer hobe, thanda naa hobe."

2. Customer 2: "Daal hobe?"

Restaurant:" Daal hobe, tadka naa hobe."

3.Customer 3: "Chicken hobe?"

Restaurant:"Chicken hobe, jinda hobe."

That's all from us this week.Stay tuned for more Gossip.

S02E05

We shall continue the trend of telling you rules, theories and facts that are very relevant in the campus.So let's kick off.

1. The Naari Mukti Pariyojna: This rule applies for all females and states that the profile pic on Facebook of any girl, how bad it is, has to be liked by all fellow females and has to be followed by comments like "H.A.W.T",Sexy etc.

2.The Desperate Bro Rule: This rule as an inspiration from Barney's Bro Code. While the original Bro Code has many articles like "No sex with Bro's Ex" and the likes, we have tried to include another clause for all our Desperate Bros and it goes like this.

" A Desperate Bro shall like each and every status and pic of a hot chic on Facebook and the like shall be followed by a desperate comment."

1. The like shows that the bro is desperate.
2. The comment keeps a check on all other fellow desperate bros since the original desperate bro gets all desperate notifications.

3.Rainy 2.2 Rule: For those of you who do not know what 2.2 is. it is a loop of perimeter 2.2 kms, and is somehow considered to be very romantic in nature.The rule is valid only when it starts raining in Kgp and the girl says"Oooh, it's raining outside, the weather is so nice and romantic. Let's go for a 2.2," means that the girl originally says" I'm already all wet."#allpunintended

4.Hot chic vs Not-so-hot-chic Rule: This rule applies when you have a hot chic surrounded by two not-so-hot-chics. The final golden rule says that "A girl in hand is better than two WITH the Bush"

5. This is what a Bong said when he was asked to read aloud the famous proverb "Birds of a feather flock together"-"Birds of a feather fock together"

That's all for now. Stay tuned.

S02E04

As always, we shall come up with theories and rules that are very relevant to the current scenario in the campus.This week too, we shall tell you similar theories,rules and facts that our expert team has come up with.

a)The M-G Ratio: The M-G(Maal to Girls) ratio is defined as number of hot chics to the total number of girls in a particular area at a particular time. The M-G ratio is an important factor in any area and particularly in a campus. Some typical M-G ratio are:

1.In Europe and USA, the M-G ratio is close to 1

2.In India, the M-G ratio is around .1, which means every tenth girl is hot.

3.In Kgp, the M-G ratio is almost close to 0.001.

4.Even in many African countries, the M-G ratio has been found to be better than that in Kgp :O

With a low M-G ratio, there can be serious consequences of:

1.Friends fighting over a common girl.

2.A testosterone charged campus.

3.Most of the males resorting to other means of satisfaction such as homosexuality and porn.

b) The G..oops B-spot theory: An abbreviation for Blog-Spot Theory,this theory states that most of the guys, who have failed in love more than once (in short losers) often become shaayars and bloggers.

c) Latest dressing trends in the campus

1.Window curtains are the new skirts.

2.Pillow covers are the new mini-skirts.

3.Well, Handkerchief speaks for itself.

d) They say "Whatever happens in Jnan Ghosh, stays in Jnan Ghosh"(For those of you who do not know, Jnan Ghosh is an open ground in the campus with no security at night time). So coming back to our quote people say that Whatever happens in Jnan Ghosh, stays in Jnan Ghosh, UNLESS you are an FBI agent and go there at night shouting "FBI!!Put your...your WHATEVER where we can SEE THEM. The similarities between NBA and Jnan Ghosh are

1.Most of the action takes place during the night time.

2.Both have a common tagline "Where amazing Happens!!"

That's all from us for this week, stay tunned.

S02E03

Few revolutionary changes in the campus as suggested by our expert team

1."Dancing is bad. Dancing leads to s*x" Robin Scherbatsky, How I Met your Mother.

Keeping this quotation in mind, PDS(pronounced as PeeDeeAss) a new society shall take the art of dancing to a new level. PDS, an abbreviation for Pole Dancers Society shall be concentrating on the new kinds of dances that are in demand. This shall include all sorts of Pole Dancing and Lap Dancing( not to mention other kinds of teases). In a survey, the students complained that the current dancing troupe gives a few students, the opportunity to get in physical contact with girls, so our new society shall ensure participation of all the students and give them an opportunity to get in physical contact with the girls. The students shall be paying for the PERFORMANCES( instead of productions), though the shows will be subsidized as all other products are in the IIT.

2.A new competition called WTFW ( What the Fuck word) If you are bored of WTGW, this new competition shall have all sorts of vulgar words that shall be enacted by the participating teams without the use of speech.

Facts of this week:

Our infamous R an D team has also come up with a few stunning facts this week.

1. Powercuts on Hall days have been proven to be the most productive time during Hall days and most of the time, they have been purposely done.

Placement Statistics

2. The maximum number of commitments in the campus are made in the final year after the placement season.

3. Results show that the maximum number of guys to score chics are the ones that are placed on Day 1. The graph then shows an exponential drop with the number of guys scoring chics on Day 5 tending to zero.

4. However guys going to IIMs have less chances to score than guys with jobs. The reason found out was that guys with jobs are more secured (with a good bank balance) than those going to IIMs(who shall be in debt of loan for another 2 years)

S02E02

Top 10 things to do on an Airport and on an airplane:

1.Go to the Airlines help counter outside the airport and say "Internet chal raha hai? Ek PNR check karke batayenge RAC hai ya waiting?"

2.Try making some money.Take a few chains and try to sell them outside the airport to the passengers for fastening their luggages.

3.Make people curious.With a tea kettle in hand, try selling tea by shouting "Sabse kharaab chaai"

4.Try making new friends. Select a person who is in a hurry(preferably a hot girl) and say "Madam, ek foto le denge airport ke saamne please"

6. Go to the cockpit(cockpit,well that's funny) and request the pilot "Thoda left lenge aage se"

6.Again go to the cockpit and ask the co-pilot "Dada,Lajpat Nagar jaayenge kya?"Make sure you do not disturb the pilot because he is driving.

7.Safety comes first.Ask the pilot and the co-pilot "Helmet laga lijiye, aapke safety ke liye hi hai"

8.Try calling a sexy air-hostess and tell her in a sweet and innocent voice "Jab malviya nagar aayega to bata denge.Hum yahan naye hain."

9.If you have a girl with you ask your fellow passenger to compromise"Bhaishab thoda adjust keejiye, dekh nahi rahe ladeej hai saath mein."

10.If you smoke, call those smart stewards and ask "Ek tho Beedi pilayenge?"

S02E01

So we are back! As we said it would be a very short season break.

Reports have just come in that Boke Studio started by Vj has been a great success and has had over a million views. After the success of Boke studio and after seeing many flop Koffee shows, Vj has decided to start a new show called Chalu Chai with Vj .The catchline of the show as he reports shall be “is back after a BANG” .Our secret reporters have also told us that Vj has an obsession with the word BANG. Vj shall be hosting the show himself and he claims that the show shall be creating a revolution in the television and youtube history and shall be kicking asses of all other similar kind of shows.

“The guest on my show shall be the most renowned personalities known so far. The show already had more than 3000 likes on FB and has had the maximum TRP even before it is aired,” claims Vj. The guests shall be served with Chalu Chai and Pornflakes. He has already revealed that the first episode of his show shall have some prominent Gujjars from Rajasthan. They shall be gifted with fish plates and railway tracks in the Rape-it Fire Round.

Vj has further informed us that his show shall not have any Governors from any societies but shall have the Governor of Rajasthan himself. Also as a token of remembrance, he shall have thumb impressions of the celebs on Chai Glasses (since most of the guests are from Rajasthan and are illiterate). Also there shall be variations in each episode and apart from the Rape-it Fire Round there shall be Ma Behn round (as in Ma guitar, Ma I-pod and Ma life.After checking other Koffee shows, he believes that a little bit of wannabe character sells the show ) where the guests shall have to write an essay on their sisters and the much awaited Jugnu Round, where the guests shall be asked to catch fireflies.

To make the show international he has also contacted some very famous personalities from Bangbros and Realitykings. “This shall take my show to an international level” he says. Later we came to know that Lacie Heart and Sasha Grey have agreed to be on his show and both of them will be showing their POSITIONS of responsibility (as told to us by Vj) on the show. Vj believes that there is no social taboo in bringing such guests because of two reasons, one that Rajasthan is too open minded and two that the girls on other koffee shows are equally slutty if not more.

The major sponsors of this show are Vivid entertainment (Bang it on) and Chhedis (The perfect place to bang on V-Day) and the Media Partners being the same as the 3G awards, Radio ***chi 69 FM (Bajate raho which when translated means “Keep Banging”). This shows Vj’s obsession with the word BANG. Seeing the popularity of this show in this competitive market, there has been news of other shows like “Gaanja with Nitu” and "Say na something to Pampam Uncle"

S01E15

We have come to the season finale and we had saved the best facts and figures for the last episode. So in this final episode of our Season 1, the protagonist is the head of the family of the gossip and the ex-gossip gals. So people, we present before you Daddy (Also referred as Bahubali, Ban da, Jadhav)

Daddy’s popularity in kgp was often compared to that of Jayalalitha in Tamil Nadu, the difference being that while she was referred as Amma, Daddy was referred as Appa (which again means Daddy).That was how Daddy came to be known as Daddy.

Even though his hometown was in the countryside of Ranchi, he had a strong dislike for Bhojpuri and Jharkhandi Folk songs. Many of his close friends report that his first year gmail ID was arnav.love&lust but later to save the embarrassment he changed it to arnav.ll. To improve his SQ (not sentimental quotient but sex quotient) he had a huge range of cosmetics which included the infamous Multani Mitti. Often he was seen with two cucumbers on his eyes and hair rolls in his hair to give it the special curly look.

While final years barely have, out of 4 meals, once or twice meal in a day, Daddy had 8 meals per day. He did not even buy the Multani mitti but preferred the Mitti from the basketball court. His USP on DC++ was his special Bhajan(a codeword for porn in kgp)collection with his nick Bahubali and he claimed that every second, a bhajan was uploaded from his so called collection. Also he had subscribed to 2 newspapers daily, since he did not find 1 newspaper enough.

To increase his popularity on Hall day among girls, he had written comments like “gr8 company” and “tussi great ho” on the walls of his room before the Hall day even began. And to serve his guests, he willfully bought an expired cold drink and later showed everyone that the cold drink had expired and was not good for health.

He often refused to treat his juniors when they asked for, and the entire process would go the other way round with the juniors treating him. Also while he never ate more than 5 Butter Rotis at Sahara of his own money, he ate more than 20 with someone else’s and continued saying the same dialogue “Abey yahan ki Roti to pata hi nahi chalti”. While men take pride in beating others and their favourite catchline is “Maarunga 10, ginunga 1”, Daddy’s favourite catchphrase was “Khaunga 10, ginunga 1”

Daddy’s character in his last semester resembled that of Adam Sandler in 50 first dates, the only difference being that while Adam dated the same girl 50 times, Daddy dated 50 different girls at the same time. Our secret Reporters even said that he had drove all the way with a borrowed bike, borrowed petrol and a borrowed girl to Sher-e-Punjaab (100 kms from Kgp) just to eat Chana Jor Garam and came back saying that with a bike, the ride seemed so heavenly and “Time ka to pata hi nahi chala”

In spite of everything, he performed the duties of showing his paternal care to his children (not by spending money on them) but by scolding them while they involved themselves in unsocial activities like eve-teasing. And how much his kids bash on him, they have confessed that they still love him.

That’s all from us on Season 1. We do hope that you enjoyed Season 1. We shall be back after a short season break with brand new gossip and brand new episodes on Season 2. Ciao.

S01E14

Coming to the penultimate episode of the season, today we shall be reporting about the most eligible bachelor among the ex-gossip gals Choubey Da. Choubey Da (or commonly known as C-da) had been rated as the smartest guy in town and our reporters even claim that he had been crowned as Mr. Midnapore (which included both East and West Midnapore)in a male beauty contest,though we are unaware that such a competition even exists.

Very few people knew that C-da had an unlimited collection of clothes and deodorants, each one for a separate occasion, the best ones saved for SN Hall Day. A true hardcore fan of the 90s, he could listen to songs of Saajan and Sadak on a repeat mode. His favourite song and his life’s motto had been the same -“Bas EK sanam Chahiye…Aashiqui ke liye” (The stress here is on EK) and he continued following the same principle of wanting “BAS EK HI SANAM” in his entire college life.

Our reporters have also reported that C-Da had been offered a role in a Bhojpuri film, a film that both Ravi Kishan and Manoj Tiwary wanted bad but the director preferred C-da since he had better looks and better dressing and dancing style than both the actors. But later the director of the movie, Rockey.iitkgp had to choose Ravi Kishan since C-da had date clashes.

We have also been told secretly that C-da had exactly zero number of Indians added in his skype friends list. This is because he beleived that friendship has no boundaries. Also whenever he left Kgp, he used to do it SRK style in DDLJ(with his one hand stretched and body leaning slightly out of the train compartment), but unfortunately his Kajol could never reach the station in time(as he claims)

C-da had exhausted all the videos on LAN starting from the decent ones and then the indecent ones and finally those which had both decent and indecent scenes. A chivalrous guy, he was the kind of guy who could offer his own seat in a restaurant or a theatre to any random girl. Also a superb dancer, the turning point in his career came when he had the opportunity to dance with Shaan (yes, the music singer) and his troupes (That was a time when he said FU to TDS, the local dance troupe). He has made a record of maximum visits to Kgp after passing out in the shortest duration of time, because of his Kgp sento and Kgp Connections.

His close friends said that his SQ(Sentimental Quotient and not Sex Quotient or Summer Quarter) showed a dramatic increase with the intake of alcohol. Also C-da had the knowledge of almost all of the secret meeting places in the campus including Chem Top, Meta Top and the likes.

To all girls reading this, please give him a call, and he will always be ready to go out on dinner with you, the place and time hardly matters.

S01E13

Back to the ex-gossip gals, today our cheap editors shall tell you about the (un)popular Ambuj Kashyap.People say that the term Self Assumed Stud (SAS) had its origin traced back to him. But there are a lot of untold stories that we shall be leaking in our blog.So lets kick off.

Ambuj Kashyap was the most popular guy among girls and the most unpopular among guys.Our R An D team tried to investigate about the reason for the mixed opinions and came up with 3 theories that it has found relavant in the current society:

1.A chic is always jealous of another hot chic.

2.A guy is always jealous of another successful guy.

3.Success is like FART, its tolerable only when its one's own.

Any one or a combination of more than one theories can be the reason for his (un)popularity

We have been reported that after his passing out, there was a statue of his installed in SN Hall. While the first and the second years used to bow before the statue in respect, the senior girls had the permission of renting the statue on an hourly basis(if you know what we mean). It was also reported that the costumes for Interhall choreography came from this money.The hidden cam videos will be posted soon on the blog(of the choreography, what else were you thinking of...perverts!!)

The guy is a basketball maniac, he was often seen topless on the basketball court since he believes that hot bodies are meant to be flaunted(and it applied to both the sexes). Though we had mixed opinions on the amount of physical strength he had.While one school of thought believed that he had once hung a baby elephant(living in the rival wing) upside down just by holding his legs, the other school of thought believed that he stood and saw his best friend Bhau(of his own wing) being beaten up by his own wingie(again of his own wing) while Bhau repeatedly called for his help.Also to add up to the embarrasment, he made a video out of the situation.Also he never turned up for a one-on-one match that was supposed to be conducted on the basketball court with his opponent from the rival wing on the auspicious occasion of Holi.

He believes that Chicago had been derived from the words Chic and ago but refuses to tell the stories when he was there. Although we have evidences(photographs of him with random chics) that suggest something fishy, he has strongly denied all sorts of rumours and sees it a plot by his opponents to (de)fame him.

His current annual salary is equivalent to 1% of the GDP of Nepal and Bhutan combined.With girls wanting him and guys wanting to be like him, we today stand to honour him.

S01E12

On Republic Day, a day of national importance, we shall be declaring the Global Golden Gobar (3G) awards, the awards of national unimportance. The award has been rated as the most non-prestigous award and has been given a B rating by the Censor Board and is not advised for minors.So lets start the show.

1.The first and the foremost award is The Bang de Basanti award for banging the maximum number of Basantis. And the award goes to:

Natha

We had no second nomination for this category and after seeing his album Boat Party on FB we had no second thoughts.

2.The CCDude award for paying maximum visits to CCD in a single semester goes to:

Nitu

There was a close competition between Nitu and Natha but the CCD officials have confirmed that Nitu has been seen just one time more than Natha.They have also confirmed that the two of them accounted for more than 90% of the revenues of CCD.

3.The Bada Kela (no pun intended) award goes to:

Shek

The guy has set a new record in eating the maximum number of bananas in a single day. Reporters have also told us that he ate Jhaal Mudi on train with sliced bananas in them. He claims to have memorized 1000 benefits of the fruit and also claims that he can do 1000 push- ups or carry weights upto 1000 kgs after eating a dozen of bananas.

4.The For-mal award for having the dirtiest room goes to:

Nanda

It is believed that seeing the room's condition the hall-cleaning workers refused to clean his room.And when the trash came out, much to the people's surprise it was more than the volume of the room.

5.The Shiney Ahuja Rapist of the Year Award for raping the maximum number of...wait for it...SONGS goes to:

Vj

Vj claims that even when he cried in childhood, it had beats in it. He has also performed on various remixes of Vande Mataram in his school on Independence and Republic Day. A turning point in his career came when he found the remix of Aarti-Tumre Bhavan Mein of Dilli 6.

6.The Mark Fuckerberg award for sending the maximum number of friend requests on FB goes to:

Vj again.Nice ****job Vj

Reports have confirmed that Vj has been regularly banned from FB for sending excessive friend requests on a single day. He sees this thing as a matter of pride.

7.And the last but the least.. The Lifetime achievement award for the year 2010 BC-2011 AD goes to:

Baba

Can there be a second choice for this award!

That's all from us today.We would like to congratulate all the winners and thank our sponsors Douche Bank and our Media Partner Radio ***chi 69 FM. Have a nice dry day.Stop smoking today.

S01E11

Latest Gossip from Backstage:

Vj has been rated as the fairest man in Rajasthan by Rajasthan Times.Also a magazine published in Rajasthan has compared Vj to tha famous character snow-white.Reports have also come in that after the success of the movie Kaloo he has decided to produce a movie named Goru in which he plans to play the lead role.

After seeing the success of Coke studio, Vj has decided to launch his own Boke Studio in Bengal.

In the same magazine that compared Vj to snow-white, Natha has been referred to as the seventh dwarf.Also because of his height he has been short-listed by topmost companies.

The only thing Nitu has earned after joining Kgp is "Beizzati". In a poll conducted which involved professors and students he has been unanimously voted to be the person with the least amount of respect in the campus. Also many girls polled that they would better tie a rakhi around his hand rather than going out for a cup of coffee with him.

In another poll, which involved fathers of hot girls, all the daddys have refused to give their daughters' hands in the hands of Nitu.

Nanda has decided to get married before he passes out.On hearing this news, many girls have been heartbroken and some have even suffered from heart attacks.

Baba has claimed to play basketball with Sardar Vallabh Bhai Patel and also supposedly defeated him.After defeating him he also claimed that he gave the tempo shout of RP and shouted Patel ki leli zig-zag zig-zag.

After hitting on all sorts of ILFs, Shek has decided to now take on cougars.Also after seeing the unhygienic conditions in the mess, he has decided to wash all the plates,spoons and glasses himself.

That's all from us this week.We do hope that all guys score random chics this SF.Next week we shall be announcing the Global Golden Gobar(3G) awards.Stay tuned.

S01E10

Continuing with the series of the ex-gossip gals today we shall go one step ahead and tell you about the famous Pari.Pari was considered to be the most famous personality in West Midnapore district and an opinion poll said that 83% of the people wanted him to be elected as their MP or their MLA.Such was his popularity.Reports have confirmed that kids in this region look upon Pari as their God, worship him and say hymns of the famous Pari chalisa. Owing to this popularity, today we shall unveil many untouched aspects of his life in our post.

Pari also called Pariya(by batchmates) and Pari Baabu(by his juniors) was considered to be the second best at poker after Bhau and had the record of losing the maximum amount of money in Poker. Often people used to come to his rooms for their “wasooli”. The famous case where Nehru was accused of causing nuisance in RP with hockey sticks following the GC announcements was actually a mob of people who had come to take their money from Pari but later the event was given a political dimension.

Pari was known for his typical accent, his vocal chords been tested by many scientists all over the world and his accent has been identified as neither US nor Indian but a mix of what they call as Bihari and Caucasian . People even do not know about the origin of the words that he used that were “Goaandaa” and “Aeeeee chhatuaaa”. Recently we heard that he has patented his voice after Lata Mangeshkar patented hers. Also these famous words,lines and phrases have now been included in the hymns of Pari chalisa.

Some of them that are now included in the Pari Chalisa are: (since these words,lines and phrases were seen as a way of Pari communicating with God)

From aage take left.

Goaandaa de diya.

Godwa

And of course"Aeeeee chhatua"

His close friends say that he had spent his entire college life with his laptop and one pair of clothes.Our reporters have also told us that Pari once booked ticket in Tatkal when there were more than 300 tickets available in the general quota. This was because he was a man who went by the books and he said that doing so was what the law prescribed.

Pari was a man of reasoning and he was sure that the British made a mistake while pronouncing the words "to" and "two" similarly while according to him they should have been pronounced differently. Pari even took tea party by its literal meaning and was seen making tea on a stove and serving it to the juniors during the entire party.Also Pari was considered to be the only person in the campus who had solved previous years’ mid-sem and end-sem papers with a timer on his table. Such was his dedication towards academics.

There is not just one reason that Pari has achieved God status in the district.The above said were only a few and we are sure that there would be many more. His followers say that they have in true sense seen God.We honour the God today.